People thronged around the marquee which had been erected on the tennis courts. Nobody knew why their little Lancashire village had been picked, but who’d question the Office of the US President?
The Women’s Institute had been tasked with preparing the celebratory supper. Mrs. Doubtworthy had suggested that they pop down to Asda for a brace of Hall’s haggises, but the other members of the WI were resolute. The haggis would be made from scratch.
Mr. Greenwood was ready with the requisite musical accompaniment. Everyone was familiar with his bagpiperly skills which he regularly practiced of a Saturday morning, when most civilized people were still abed.
At precisely 7pm, the motorcade swept into the village. Besuited security men shepherded their charge into the marquee, where the Mrs. Duckinworth, chair-lady of the Parish Council, bid him sit at the head of the table.
Mr. Greenwood’s pipes heralded the haggis which was laid before the President. Miss Lynch, the former language teacher, began the address.
The President prodded his haggis with a fork. ‘You Scottish people eat this stuff?’
Mrs. Duckinworth frowned. ‘Sir, we’re not Scottish. This is Lancashire.’
The President’s advisers muttered amongst themselves.
Mr Davies, the Geography teacher intervened. ‘Perhaps you’d intended to visit Lanarkshire?’
‘Whatever,’ growled the President. ‘I’m here now and I’m hungry.’ He stabbed a piece of haggis and thrust it into his mouth.
The room fell silent as he chewed.
‘Ugh! What is this?’ the President spluttered. ‘Forget my Scottish roots. Go get me a burger.’
Written in response to a prompt from Susan T. Braithwaite
Genre Scribes Friday Fiction Writing Challenge #30
The challenge this week was tennis.
Author’s note: I strayed far from the word prompt, not wanting to pass up the opportunity of writing about something so topical and so appropriate to Susan’s proud Scottish heritage. Burns Night, 25th January.
I give you the ‘Address to a Haggis’ by Robert Burns:
The recipe for Haggis the WI ladies used
Hall’s haggis from British Supermarket, Asda – no relation, by the way!
Sadly for you US and Canadian folks, haggis has been illegal in your countries since 1971.
I shall be popping into our local Spar for mine tomorrow.
luna's on line 
Brilliant!
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I just couldn’t resist…
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Done so well. 😍
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Fun tale, Chris, especially with such an easy mistake to make! I never knew haggis was illegal over the pond… whatever next? They’ll be changing the name of Marathons soon. 🙄😁
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Thanks Tom 🙂
I only discovered about the ban when I was looking up a recipe to share. The lungs are not allowed apparently.
D’you want that choccy bar deep fried??!
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Why not?! Never tried it before. Mind you, I haven’t tried haggis either, and have a feeling I’ll have the same reaction as the president if I do! Lungs?!
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You haven’t lived!! Go north, young man…
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Hehehe! One day… it’s actually just up the road a bit but I’ve never got around to visiting!
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You may have strayed a bit from the challenge, but the story is right on point. I have never heard of Haggis so I never missed the ban. I guess Amazon Fresh won’t be making a same day produce delivery it to me in the US.
The story tells of a well-loved meal and its tradition but was not received so by the President. Enjoy a trip to the local Spar, and celebrate Burns Night accordingly. Cheers to you Chris.
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Cheers, Darnell! Shame about the haggis, you’ll never know what you’re missing 🙂
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What an excellent response. I too am not accustomed to eating or shopping for haggis so this was a learning experience. I love the way you worked tennis into it. I had a bit of a hard time stringing words this week, and tennis was not among the ones I successfully strung….
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…but you’ve successfully strung some other wonderful words this week!
I’m pleased to have spread a seemingly little-known Scottish tradition a little further 🙂
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[…] thanks to Chris and Gordon for taking part and sharing their awesome responses to last week’s prompt. Great […]
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Oh my word, I had a reading program for my English learners that had a unit about unusual foods throughout the world. Haggis was one of them! However, I had no clue they were illegal in the US ! I love the way you managed to get your topic out of the word “tennis” 😀
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A treat you’re sadly never going to taste… unless Foster and Panda can pop over the pond and fetch one for you? I don’t believe they’ve visited Scotland yet 😉
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Hey you’re right about that! I think they should go to South Africa too! 😊
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Most definitely. We’ll roll out the red carpet!
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Have celebrated with a haggis at one or two Burns nights here in Brisbane, tasty and made from scratch – never heard of buying it at the supermarket!
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Simply boil in the bag. Not as good as the real thing perhaps, but convenient 🙂
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Lovely vivid characters with a great funny ending! Loved this. 🙂
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Got to make the most of Mr T 😉
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Thanks for taking part, Chris. What a fun read–and nicely timed for the celebrations 😀 I love how well you captured the characters. Great writing!
P.S. Weirdly enough, we just got in our Hall’s Haggis, Neeps, and Tatties for dinner tonight…and we’re in Lanarkshire.
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Enjoy 🥃
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Mistakes happen. I’ve never had haggis. Am I missing out?
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Well, I would say so, especially if you’re not averse to offal. I’m not sure where you’d find one where you stay though.
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