Flash Fiction / writing prompts

The Facility #8

Chris Hall61 Comments

Stretching out your hand towards the familiar face, the one you remember from the mirror, your fingertips brush lightly over the surface of the tank; the occupant’s eyes blink open and the mouth gapes back at you in surprise – or is it horror? Recoiling from the unexpected engagement, you step back, a silent oath escaping your lips, as your companion – or rather, your colleague – takes you gently by the elbow and steers you to a desk in the corner of the room.

Gazing nervously over your shoulder, you look down at the journal that lies open before you. Recognizing your own handwriting, your eyes explore the text, the calculations, the diagrams – it’s all here – your head whips around once again and the face which floats behind the glass implores you: end this!

Mind whirring, you page desperately through the journal’s dated entries – puzzle pieces click and unclick, form and re-form – you sweep the journal from the desk and rush from the room, through the door and into the corridor; footsteps follow as you hurtle down the stairs to the exit, where you throw open the fire escape doors and run into the street; your only instinct is to flee… straight into the waiting arms of the blank-faced orderly.

He eases you into the waiting wheelchair and pushes you back into the building where the homely-looking nurse in her crisp white uniform stands waiting, clipboard in hand; she smiles: ‘Welcome back, Dr Conel, we’ve been expecting you.’

Confused? You might be! Read previous episodes of The Facility here.

Written in response to two challenges:

– Di of Pensitivity101‘s Wednesday’s Three Things Challenge – OATH, ENGAGE, PUSH
– Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge‘s Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt – EXPLORE

Photo credit: Scott Webb on Unsplash

More Splendid Sixes HERE – watch out for the zombies!

61 thoughts on “The Facility #8”

  8. Excellent, Chris. Truly terrifying as now we come full circle after that glimpse of escape, and learn at last the identity of the poor soul enduring this endless nightmare. The opening line: “Stretching out your hand towards the familiar face, the one you remember from the mirror…” is perfectly chilling.
    You chose a difficult POV throughout this series, but always maintained the mystery and creep factor.
    Bravo!

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  10. Excellent

    The horror of circularity!*

    This type of story is so tricky (see below) compared to a normal ‘surprise ending’. In a sense, the hard part is to keep us Readers with the protagonist right to the next to the last moment.
    I say, ‘next to the last moment’ because we need to be able to step back and let all the supporting story drive itself home, much as happens to the character.

    Not that it’s necessary to say, but this series was fun. Technical appreciation adds to the pleasure of reading an enjoyable serial story.

    * an especially difficult technique in writing, made impressive by the 2nd person POV**
    ** specifically: keeping us with the protagonist as the action/suspense builds. all while laying the groundwork for the climax.

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  16. Intense opening 2 sentences. I felt very much as if I were the protagonist (being led around the facility), going where I was directed and then bam! Awesome conclusion, Chris 😀
    I admire your ability to write this series entirely in 2nd person pov.

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