Joey hunkered down in the corner of the heavily-graffitied bus shelter, trying to evade the spiny tentacles of the stiffening breeze blowing off the river Mersey and up the eponymous street that led from Otterspool Promenade onto the busy pavement-cracked main road.
Jealousy coiled its long yellow fingers around him, clutching at the frayed edges of his grungy army-surplus parka as he watched the rich folk in their fancy cars hurtling past him on their way back to the city, while a dull summer sun slipped slowly into the west, raising an ironic eyebrow and casting a rose-tinted light over the poverty-stricken suburbs and abandoned factories of the urban fringe.
Now fumbling his pockets for his last fag, Joey’s grubby nail-bitten fingers fell upon his latest treasure; a smile twitched about his lips, smoothing his habitual scowl and suggesting the possibility of a less desolate future for its twenty-something wearer. His latest jaunt down to the low-tide river, grubbing about among the detritus lodged in the sludgy mudflats, had yielded his best find yet.
He gripped the object tightly, a glimmer of hope kindling; he’d be popping around to visit Phil ‘The Fence’ tomorrow.
Perhaps, finally he’d hit the jackpot.
Written in response to two challenges:
Di of Pensitivity 101’s Wednesday’s Three Things Challenge: JACKPOT, JAUNT, JEALOUSY
Denise Farley of GirlieOnTheEdge’s Sunday’s Six Sentence Story Word Prompt: SHELTER
Photo credit: illustration from a book somewhere on my bookshelves which I cannot presently locate 😉
Another story begins. The start is very interesting, Chris
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Thanks, Sadje! A little bit grittier this time.
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You’re welcome! Looking forward to reading more.
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Somehow, I don’t think young Joey’s desert ship has come in.
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I think the appropriate response is ‘expect the unexpected’. 😉
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Yes, indeed!!
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I’m just wondering if I might use that term in the next episode, Liz… and work an oasis into the script. Oops! *imagination overdrive*
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Sounds good to me–but my imagination tends to overdrive as well!
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🤔💭😂
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What a life. I can’t help but admire him for trying to make things work.
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Thanks for rooting for our Joey, Jacqui!
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Nicely done, Chris. You fit the words in there effortlessly. 🙂
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Thanks very much, Diana! 🙂
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A nice beginning, Chris, and one that points to another of your tales, methinks! Have your characters been chewing your ear again? 🙂 Looking forward to your next episode.
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I was wondering if anyone would spot the reference. Well done, Tom! As for my characters, they’re always muttering in the background. It might not be exactly what they were after but he or she who shouts loudest is sure to get a part! 🙂
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Interesting story, Chris!
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Thanks, Jane 🙂
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Welcome,Chris😊
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I’m hooked already!!!
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Excellent! Pleased to hear that, Di 🙂
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😀
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Very immersive story with some stark grimy descriptions that pull us into the scene!
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Thanks, Tom! That was exactly the aim 🙂
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Wow, well done. You’ve made a hodge pot words into a very neat and compelling tale
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Thanks very much, Deb 🙂
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I love it! It wasn’t until I read the prompts that I realized it is, in fact, only six sentences! One thing I like is how you show rather than tell us about his personality, as in “his grubby nail- bitten fingers” and his “habitual scowl”.
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Thanks so much for the lovely compliment, Debra! I was trying to paint the best picture of Joey that I could in the limited space available. His character is fixed in my head now 🙂
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Oi, I better bring my Peaky hat, roight?
Reel us in Chris!!
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Ha ha, a little further north and west, Spira. Better put on your LFC scarf!
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True, in the coat pocket then.
Will do!😉
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As a Brummie I’ve always considered Liverpudlians as my best mate regional cousins: Both get the piss ripped out of us for our accents, and both (in the main) are down to earth fun-loving folk. I might be wrong though, coz as a Brummie I’m supposedly thick as sh*t and don’t know me arse from me elbow 😂😁
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🤣🤣🤣
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Too true about the accents and the humour. We of course labour under the ‘who’s the scouser in the suit?’-type memes😉
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No fair! You guys get to have more fun than we do with your ‘Tut Tut, No, It’s not spelled the way it sounds’ it’s spelled the way I feel like it should sound’….
lol (I would submit that the genius who coined/invented/said-it-first, ‘fer sure’ might be, like, totally at home over there in merry old (sorry, merry ole)
damn! is this keyboard still on?!!
Hey, Spira. I’ve also been having trouble commenting at places I hadn’t previously had a problem with. Switching browsers seems to help. Pain in the neck, of course, but I got a case full of alphabet spray paint and it’d be a shame to not use it all up.
err…. Hi! Chris! ‘sup Mage
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😁😂
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cest bon, and I love that camel
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Merci, Paul! Cute little fellow… or is he? 😉
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Nice description of the poverty of what must have been a prosperous suburb. I hope things improve for Joey.
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Time will only tell for Joey. The location is part of my past, now somewhat improved, I’m pleased to say.
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Delightful imagery! Well done!
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Thanks very much, Susan 🙂
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Loved these images, Chris.
‘the spiny tentacles of the stiffening breeze blowing off the river Mersey’
‘a dull summer sun slipped slowly into the west, raising an ironic eyebrow’
My wife’s a Liverpudlian and I have visited there with her (including all the Beatles’ shrines). Up The Reds! 🙂
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Thanks for the compliment, Doug. Your wife, a fellow Scouser, hurrah! And correct team allegiance! The city went way upmarket after we left 😉
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The last shred of hope for the poor or the working poor.
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Sadly so, Mimi. In Joey’s time the comment greeting wasn’t ‘how are you’ it was ‘are you working’.
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Oh, man. Why do I feel as if Joey is going to regret coming into possession of that little object, lol
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I think your instincts are correct, Denise 🙂
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A Liverpool saga. Good one, Chris. I think I knew a few Joeys and Phil the ‘Fence’s in my inner city upbringing, and was even a bit Joey myself at times (though too early to say as your story is only on episode one)… but the working class vibe is there for sure. Also, the tale plays out like a late 80s/early 90s gritty music video… city boy, bus stop, no money, hope found in surprising ways maybe? Look forward to more!
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You’ve totally ‘got it’, Ford, the time, the place and probably the soundtrack too! Joey’s story could go anywhere at the moment, but we need to keep a wary eye out for that little trinket 😉
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Glad I got, Chris. For sure I felt it. Yes, that little trinket will be the ‘key’ I’m sure!
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You paint vividly a world I’m quite unfamiliar with–Bravo.
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Thanks very much, Zelda!
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You’re very welcome.
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I’m so pleased you’ve set off another story, and you’ve wasted no time in getting us intrigued!
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Thanks, Keith! Mission accomplished 🙂
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One man’s trash is another man’s…
will have to wait which one it turns out to be
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More than Joey bargained for I imagine, Liz. 🤔
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A new serial story! Excellento.
Engaging (and accessible) character to open. Very good
Urban underbelly setting.
What else does a story in which the MC is both described (and we Readers informed of his personal world) with a seamless CV on the back of a thumb-bent pack of matches need when we’re treated to. line:
…”grubby nail-bitten fingers fell upon his latest treasure; a smile twitched about his lips, smoothing his habitual scowl and suggesting the possibility of a less desolate future for its twenty-something wearer.”
Let the tale unfold.
(Added bonus, as a student of serial story writing, will totally be taking notes)
Note 2: leave installment on the promise of a mystery explored.
cool
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Delighted to have pulled you into the shady underbelly of late 80’s Liverpool, Clark. Let the fun begin!!
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Ooh, good. Another story begins. I love Phil ‘the Fence’. And you write so much detail into the background of the character in six sentences and in superbly chosen language.
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Thanks very much, Jenne! I guess we’ll be meeting Phil next time 😉
Btw I tried to comment on your post yesterday, I think I might’ve been swallowed up in your spam😦
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Ah, I wondered what had happened. I saw an alert last week too that said you had commented, but I couldn’t find the comment? I’ll look into that. I miss your encouraging words! 😉
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Hope you found me, Jenne.
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I did! 😊
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An excellent beginning, Chris.
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Thanks very much, Robbie 🙂
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Captivating, Chris! I look forward to the next chapter! ❤
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Thanks so much, Cheryl 🙂
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Great intro to a new story, Chris! Love the imagery. When is this set, the 80s/90s?
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Spot on, Susan. On the cusp between the two, or thereabouts.
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Woohoo! Do I get a prize?
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🏆🏆🏆
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Thanks for the link. I like this background. Makes a nice segway to the next segment.
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👍👍👍
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